People, who I know and respect, tell me that they are in search of the ultimate truth. Or if not that , then in search of some meaning and the purpose of our very existence.
My mind is such that it would be interested in answers to these questions.But something inside me tells me that the answers are most likely to be so simple it would let the seeker down.
Moreover , I dont think i can even begin to understand the universe when i dont understand myself.I have heard time and again that no one can understand you better than yourself.True .But you can add:- and you are much more than you can understand.
I know how i would react to particular stimuli.But i don't know why.I can break down the emotions into tiny segments but i don't know where they originated.Ialso realized a few days back that i had started a scavenger hunt for emotions.I was a starved vulture looking out for any scrap of meat and then falling on it and trying to relish it for as long as possible. Good or Bad wouldn't matter.
Whenever i felt something...felt anything...be it negative or positive i would nurture it and try to add fuel to it until not even a shadow of the real emotion remained.I would think up situations and imagine how i would react just to simulate the feeling.
confusing? But think of it like this. Suppose your fingers go numb suddenly, wouldn't you do anything possible to get some feeling back even if it meant hurting them by pinching them? Simple as it gets isn't it.this insane urge to feel. But i fear, what happens when your fingers stop feeling numb. Would all the damage be irreversible?
Then again is the fear a real one or is it another sad attempt to feel?? how will i ever know? i will never know....
