when consideration crosses over to calculation.......

As far as I can remember we have been taught to be tactful and diplomatic.I remember parents admonishing us when we used to say something along the lines of "there is too much salt in this dish" at someone else's house.We were always advised to control our tongue and be as polite as could be. bring up honesty? and the response is "what's that got to do with anything??''....We are conditioned to believe that we need to be as nice as possible.Always aim to not hurt the other person. Ofcourse these situations are always with people with whom you needed to maintain the distance of formality. The general convention was that you can blab all you want with ones who are close to you, but shut up with the rest.

Though the basic concept is good, we are humans. and tend to take things to extremes. And thus while trying to follow the above concept we manage to reach the two extremes of taking our close ones for granted and hurting them and putting others on a pedestal and glorifying them.

Now since the people who are close to us generally do the same it works out in the end and every one bounces back.

But the other scenario is slightly more complicated. While it works great on a short term , where you praise the other person and leave him/her feeling an ego boost, while you have lost nothing, and gained his/her goodwill.

But longterm????? can you imagine what would happen? You are diplomatic and you say all the right things.....the other person believes that facade of you.....and responds equally...you believe that facade.....slowly over time the pleasantness starts to wear and tear....the rotten part of your persona wants to come out and snap....you have him on a leash....he tugs and pulls at the leash and you start to lose control....suddenly when you least expect it,he jumps out and barks.... you pull the leash but its too late...the other person has got a glimpse into the real you.....you try and add layers of diplomacy to cover that one stupid bark......try to fool the other person

as this random cycle continues, as it is bound to...over the years....your persona in the other persons eyes becomes a mix of honey and pepper.....of wagging tails and barks and bites.....that person doesn't know what to expect.....so he has to always be on a watch ..... calculate his every word.....and the driving power is not "consideration" any more....but self preservation....

now if only we had stuck to honesty? whats the worst that could have happened.....egos would get trampled for a few weeks maybe months....but that person would be relaxed......the barks and wagging tails would become predictable.....every human after all has a pattern.....

why should we be diplomatic?

when considerations crosses over the line to calculation.....diplomacy becomes hipocracy in a ball gown.....

would you still dance with Cinderella , if it was her stepsister in disguise?