PAUSE. Re-wind.Play....

Anticipation is a strange emotion. I could even say , that sometimes it is a masochistic emotion. You keep looking forward to what is round the bend rarely realizing that what is around you , is what you were waiting for a while back. You keep trying to run faster to catch that elusive carrot that keeps dangling in front of you, never stopping to think that the gap never closes.
Some people die dreaming of their carrot, some decided to stop very early in the game. I fall somewhere in between. To me the future as I wanted it was startlingly clear, while the present was a blur. I have been chasing the carrot for as long as I can remember.
Marriage brought my mad race to a sudden halt! My pulse is racing with fear, why did I decide to stop now ! I was so close to catching it! run , I order my feet, but they refuse.I can see the carrot disappear in a puff of smoke far ahead. I am disoriented. I have lost my focus and I no longer know what to do. As if awakening from a deep slumber I look around.
Where am I?
Without realizing it , I have catapulted myself into a life of psychedelic colors. The range of emotions I can feel have painted the masterpiece of my life. I am no longer numb. I feel love, laughter, passion, enthusiasm, wickedness, control , care, abandon , boundaries , affection , satisfaction , fatigue , desperation , sorrow , childish enjoyment and much more beyond definition.
Do all the positive and negative balance out and leave me without gaining anything? No. I have never wanted a “happy” life. I have always wanted a “memorable” life and a “rich” one.
If emotions were coins, I would say marriage has given me the Midas touch.
And I wouldn’t trade it for all the carrots in the world…..hmmm maybe if halwa was made ….NO!
Stop. Resume Play.

MARRIAGE

So I am getting married.

Till now the reality of this concept hadn’t sunk in. Till now the major worry amounted to … will it rain on the d’day ( it is an outdoor wedding) …. Will the sadistic H1N1 virus decide to finally leave the venue alone ( the wedding is in Pune) etc.

But Now? I just got down to packing for the actual married life. And unfortunately started with shoes. How many shoes can a girl carry into the “sasural” and not be made fun of? 35? 5? I faced the sad reality that I would have to part with a lot of my treasured possessions.

As I sat there with all my shoes strewn around me on the floor, I finally accepted that my life would be changed forever. And not just on the material plane of shoes, jeans, tops.

But every aspect of life would change.

The thing with ‘family’ which you take for granted is, you can be yourself. After the years you have lived which other, there are no surprises left and you are forced to accept the good and the bad of each other.

No matter how supportive or loving the sasural is, it will be different. You are the alien element; Cast in a different mould from them. And because of no ones fault it becomes a strange situation for everyone concerned. Everyone has to try their best to please. To try and do what is expected rather than what has become natural.

Is this so unbearable, you ask me? Maybe, maybe not. If one is lucky their natural personality will not clash with that of the in-laws. Marriage is after all just another gamble in life.

To me marriage will be a “Bitter-Sweet symphony”

Sweet cause the “Through sickness and health…..” part will come true

And bitter ,as it can’t be “….through bare feet and 35 pairs of shoes…..”

Sigh.

LOVE *

*conditions apply

In an extremely commercialized world where every one is trying to make a quick buck, to pull the wool over other peoples eyes, the "small print" has become an expected thing.In fact "conditions apply" has become a reassuring thing that says to the public"we are cheating you, but we are being upfront about it.so dont worry".So if we see a deal which is too good to be true , and we dont see this small star, we hear warning bells in our head.What are they hiding???

By now you must be wondering if i mis-labled this post.Well...i didn't.

The other day , a heated argument with the other half (yes ! we are human! we fight) had cooled down into sullen silence ... Both of us knew we had said too much , unnecessarily.And we couldn't take it back.

That was when i began to wonder if the promise of unconditional love was dangerous.yes! you heard me right.
Why say , i will love you for for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, come hell or high water.?? And THEN let the poor fellow/felli down by going and doing the exact opposite at the first given opportunity?

Why not say look dude, I will be your best friend , i will support you through everything and you will love me...but *conditions apply...there will be times i will not be myself...there will be times i will be bitchy or unfair or irrational....there will be the times we might not "love" each other (we are not masochists after all)...BUT IT IS OK...because when we bought each other we KNEW what the small print was...But we still went ahead with the sale.Because despite all the faults the product was still too good to be true.

Why should we try to pretend when we advertise??

Why cant there be honesty among cheats???