What came first?

Yes , what came first?The chicken or the egg.This is a debate that i have never given much thought to.I have always looked at it as an amusing quandary that would never get solved, so why bother.After all who cared. And then in one of my deeper moments i realized it was an extremely important debate.You could draw parallels from it to any situation in life, in fact to life itself. If anyone solved this problem then it would be like untangling the most crucial knot of life.

I personally do not want to know the secrets of life.But i could relate this dilema to my life.Most of my life till now has been spent in passing off everything bad that i have done as a reaction to something else. "This happened to me that is why i did this". This has been the all powerful sentence that soothes the most troublesome of consciences. I have always been able to look at it from a point of view in which i was wronged first. But now that i think of it i wonder. What if the action i was reacting to was actually a reaction to some action of mine? How would i ever know? What right did i have to an easy conscience? How can i ever blame anything on anyone , when deeper thought places the blame back in my court?You might tell me this is as pointless as the chicken and the egg problem. Well pointless or not, it has been extremely liberating.

How?Well ask yourself this.How many times have you held a grudge against a person? more importantly, how many times can u remember the reason later on? Usually we carry a grudge without stopping to think why. The reason being we human beings feed on emotion. Emotion the only thing that tells us we are alive, we are more special than the rock there. Emotion , both negative and positive, makes us feel we have a right to our space on earth.

But today after i thought about cause and effect, i asked myself what need had i for this particular emotion.Did i really need an emotion that overshadowed thought and reason and basic compassion for the fellow human being, to make me feel important? I realized the answer was not important. I would never be able to hold a grudge against someone without giving it second thought. And once second thought sets in you can't really hold a 'mindless' grudge now, can you? Hence I am free, not by much maybe but more than before. And as i learn i realize, the most complex solutions lie in the most ridiculous of situations. I mean com'on "the chicken or the egg ?" not very profound is it?. but "what came first?" yup that unlocks quite a few doors for me.Yes its as simple as that, "What came first?".

SELF PITY

I have stood on that particular verge before, a million times, put up a token protest and then jumped down.Jumped into darkness and have been embraced by it.Felt immeasurably comforted.Have spiraled deep into the darkness that deluded me into believing my problem was unique and hence so was my life.I have plunged happily away from Light.
Light,my enemy.Light that laughed at me and condescendingly showed me that I was a speck.But the soothingly whispered words of darkness had soon drowned the mocking laughter.I have lingered long enough to feel the high of low.
And as always I have been yanked back into light.I haven't fought it.I welcomed Reason and laughed along with Light at the momentary gratification delusion had given me.Yes,I have stood there before.
Today I stood at that verge again.I put up a token protest.I arched over to begin the graceful dive.But today was different.Today I stopped.Today I thought "To hell with Mr.Darkness,let me go climb the hill instead."
If this was fiction i would have been laughed at (theres still a high chance of that).But as it is not,I'll remember today as the day I had to make a choice.A choice between easily got comfort and painfully earned satisfaction.