Though the basic concept is good, we are humans. and tend to take things to extremes. And thus while trying to follow the above concept we manage to reach the two extremes of taking our close ones for granted and hurting them and putting others on a pedestal and glorifying them.
Now since the people who are close to us generally do the same it works out in the end and every one bounces back.
But the other scenario is slightly more complicated. While it works great on a short term , where you praise the other person and leave him/her feeling an ego boost, while you have lost nothing, and gained his/her goodwill.
But longterm????? can you imagine what would happen? You are diplomatic and you say all the right things.....the other person believes that facade of you.....and responds equally...you believe that facade.....slowly over time the pleasantness starts to wear and tear....the rotten part of your persona wants to come out and snap....you have him on a leash....he tugs and pulls at the leash and you start to lose control....suddenly when you least expect it,he jumps out and barks.... you pull the leash but its too late...the other person has got a glimpse into the real you.....you try and add layers of diplomacy to cover that one stupid bark......try to fool the other person
as this random cycle continues, as it is bound to...over the years....your persona in the other persons eyes becomes a mix of honey and pepper.....of wagging tails and barks and bites.....that person doesn't know what to expect.....so he has to always be on a watch ..... calculate his every word.....and the driving power is not "consideration" any more....but self preservation....
now if only we had stuck to honesty? whats the worst that could have happened.....egos would get trampled for a few weeks maybe months....but that person would be relaxed......the barks and wagging tails would become predictable.....every human after all has a pattern.....
why should we be diplomatic?
when considerations crosses over the line to calculation.....diplomacy becomes hipocracy in a ball gown.....
would you still dance with Cinderella , if it was her stepsister in disguise?
12 comments:
maintaining that delicate balance of when to be diplomatic and when to be honest is so difficult yet equally important for all the reasons that you've mentioned above. i'd say picking your battles is the mantra for me, considering them to be the concerns that deserve and need honesty over diplomacy.., because in some situations being diplomatic could be the biggest disservice you could do to that person and honesty may be taking a risk as far as your relation with them is concerned. however, its upto us to decide which relationships are important enough for us to take that risk :)
Very true, but you need a lot of guts to be honest all the time,and you need to take the spirit in which things are done into account. If dinner has been made for you with a lot of effort but still is not gourmet standard then you don't feel like hurting the person. So the situation dictates your level of diplomacy. A very good thought though that being honest works best but with a little thoughtfulness maybe.
oh and i am usually too lazy to dance with the step sister in disguise :P nice post!!
now you know why I was open about a certain dish having too little salt and chilli this summer :)
How true! ... Though easier said than done, especially when one has got into this viscious pattern. Envy the ones who have had the guts to be themselves no matter who is on the other side.
Nice one!
@ the violinist- You just prove the point of being yourself with those whom you are close to but try to be diplomatic with people u don't want to argue with.Though diplomacy is not your forte.
violinist and myfavorites....take your fight off my blog....
Valid comment but it is idealist by nature. Just need to find the right middle path which in itself makes it diplomatic!
@ mysticmelodiez :- What you say is true...but it would work in a situation where all the factors were clear to us and we could see clearly the consequences of our choices.
@myfavourites :- Yes the spirit behind the action is very important...but again, its murky water.Our perception of the spirit can often distort reality..and hence our reactions become misplaced...
@bhash:-it would have been easy to do as well if we had never learnt to be polite :P
@Rajiv:-Anything that is not practiced in reality is idealistic...there IS no "right" middle path.....there is a middle path and you often keep falling in to the right side and the wrong side...which is my grouse with diplomacy....diplomacy is fine as long as you can STAY on that middle path.....
quite true.. think about being in a relationship with a girl who does that :D
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